http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news Techtoad News en-gb Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:15:40 +0000 Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:15:40 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/rss Techtoad.co.uk rss@techtoad.co.uk (Kirk Saywell) webmaster@techtoad.co.uk (Kirk Saywell) 5 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid293 Hey everyone. I probably wont be doing much else with this site anymore, I use it to write about life and stuff, share a few pictures and provide some contact info. I will still keep my quote of the week, but I just dont feel upto adding anymore, or doing much. For some reason I feel like I just want to stop everything. Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid293 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid292 I finally had my hair dyed blue today! I think it looks awesome, and apparantly, so do quite a few people in town do aswell lol. You can find photos of me with blue hair here. Fri, 14 Nov 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid292 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid291 This week has been my October holiday, my first holiday since I started college. As you can see from my previous entry, I was feeling i'll on the last Friday of college and did not go in, but I soon felt better Saturday and Sunday were farily boring, I decided to get as much of my work out of the way, none of my friends were about, and Charlotte was at an expo in London. Charlotte came round on Monday, just as my parents were leaving for their October holiday. We had a really nice time, was good to see her again since the last time i saw her was at college on Thursday. Was a really good evening and we had great fun. Tuesday was some what of a lazy day, I didn't really do any work, watched some TV, then went out a bit later. As i was walking home, it chucked it down with rain, hard, high volume of rain, i got SOAKED! When i got back home, I did a few jobs that Mum had left me to do, and fed the fish and rabbits. My coat and jeans took a few days to dry properly, and my shoes got ruined, lukcily I was thinking of buying some new ones soon anyway lol. I spent Wednesday finishing any left over work for college, and then began to sort through some of my old stuff that my Mum had asked me to do this week, I didn't really finish all of that until late in the evening, but then I had some weird power cuts - finally, I was able to sit back and relax. I watched some more TV and did some online christmas shopping. On thursday, Charlotte invited me to go to her house, although she was busy preparing for the Halloween party that I was initially invited to, but because I was a boy, and everyone else were girls, I wasnt allowed to stay, so that was a bit of a let down, I hardly spent any time with Charlotte, just sat around while she got things ready. That night, Charlotte checked again to see if i could stay for the party, but the answer was still no. Instead, i decided to go and see her before the party on Friday, and again on Saturday. Friday, as i just mentioned, I went to Charlotte's at 10am to meet her, after I arrived, she said that I was now welcome to stay, but I didn't have my things, I had already paid for my bus travel, and spent an hour getting there, and she said that if i did stay, she wouldnt come to see me on Saturday, so i decided in the end just to go home on my own - like the original plan. I felt rejected the first time, and she left it too late to invite me. Again, Charlotte was rather destracted and we didnt spend much time together, so I felt like it was  bit of a waste, but on the other hand, the little time that we did spend together was well worth it. When I got home, my parents had returened, so I had dinner and just chatted with them about it for a while. Saturday I was looking forward to seeing Charlotte at 12 as arranged, just before I was about to leave to meet her, my dad told me that he might be taking the floor boards up in my room, and that the electricity will be off, so I was a bit confused as to where me and Charlotte could now stay, but I was in a hurry to leave so I didnt have time to discuss it. I got to the bus stop at 11:45 ready to meet Charlotte as arranged at 12. I sent her a text just to say I was there, and didnt expect a reply as she had no credit, but expected her to arrive at the bus stop within the next 15-20 minutes. I sat there for an hour, it was now 12:45 and still no sign, or contact from Charlotte, I saw the same bus driver go past me again, obviously just completed the entire 65 route. By this time, I knew that Charlotte cant have got the 11am bus in order to meet me at 12. At 10 minutes to 1, she arrived and natrually, I was annoyed, I had been waiting for over an hour in the freezing cold and Charlotte hadn't even contacted me to let me know she was going to be almost an hour late. I looked at her ticket which said 12:02, which meant she didnt even get on the bus until after the time we arranged to meet, knowing that it takes almost an hour to get here, but Charlotte only got upset with me for being annoyed and threatened to go home if i was "just going to have a go at her" so I just let it go and forgot about it. We finally got back to mine at about 1:30pm, despite the akwardness of the situation, and the lack of electricity at home, dad didnt need to take my floor boards up in the end, so at least we could stay in my room. We forgot about the whole being late thing, and managed to have a nice time. We got lunch at about 2:30pm and then around 3:30pm we had electricity back. Charlotte was going to leave at 6pm in order to be home at 7, but Kelly, her mum, phoned to say she would pick her up, so we got an extra 45 minutes, which was nice I spent the evening wrapping up some of the presents that I have got people for Christmas, I know it's early but I like to get them before the christmas craze! Sunday is today, the last day of my holiday, I am just "finishing off" i guess, tidying up a bit, packing for college tomorrow, sorting my finances, writing this blog, you know - usualy last minute stuff All in all, it's been a good holiday, with just a few dissapointments. That's all from me! Hope everyone had a good holiday! Sun, 02 Nov 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-11#newsid291 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid290 In the middle of the night I found myself searching around for paracetimol and a sick-bowl, I had a thumping headache and felt a "travel" sickness. Tried to sleep it off but couldn't really get to sleep. I must have eventually fallen asleep because when I woke up, it was worse. Not going into College today, I don't think I can cope with it, I have no idea what's wrong with me but I dont feel atall well. Hope everyone is feeling better than I am, take care! Fri, 24 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid290 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid289 Today was fun after college I took Charlotte out for a Hot Chocolate at café nero, we took our time and had some nice solid chocolate with it too. We went to the library to return some of Charlotte's anime books, and ended up getting out some naruto books too lol. We went to the castle park and had a really nice time, i really enjoyed today Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid289 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid288 Well, my first lesson today was Computing, enjoying it alot, probably my favourite subject, feels less like work and more like time to do something interesting Sombody threw something accross the room which hit Jed in the face, this usually wouldn't be that funny, but after a 3 second delay, he replied "what?", looked as if he was going to fall asleep! Later in the day, I was sitting in CISCO with Kichimi making network cables, when Alistair comes in with real police handcuffs around one of his wrists, with the key stuck in the other side, he couldnt get them off. No idea how or why he managed to get them on his wrist in the first place, but it was certainly funny watching him try to get them off! lol Other than tuesday being my fullest day, today was alright, feeling quite alot better, but still not entirely right. Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid288 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid287 Today my friend Charlotte,  not my girlfriend, my other friend Charlotte, decided to buy lots of cheese and crackers it was funny, in a strange sort of way. Kichimi and I went into the Castle Park looking for ways to get in and out after the gates had been locked, and where were good places to hide, we found a suitable way in and out of the park via a disused gate that is, relitivley easy to climb over. We found a few hiding spots, none of them that great, but hey, who can complain? I think I am feeling a bit better than last week, I still feel like something isn't quite right, but i'm sure i will get it sorted, or learn to live with it. Mon, 20 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid287 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid286 Today's entry "Help?" - Don't ask, i'm not really sure. I didn't know what subject to choose, and "Help?" was the first thing that came into my head, I feel like a need help sometimes. The last few weeks have been very strange for me, I have had a mix of some of the best things, and the worst things happen to me. Unfortunatley, the worst things are more frequent, and I don't like it. I guess that in this world, nobody can have everything they want, but surely people are entitled to have some choice and freedom? I like to offer people choice and freedom, but often get used for it, walked over like a front door mat, i'm welcome, but i'm there just to be walked on and ignored, while everyone else is inside at the party. You could I suppose be feeling pretty sensitive about something, maybe even talk to someone close to you about it, but to then find out that they went behind your back and made the situation worse, knowingly? That's gotta burst your bubble. I realise that in my writing, i am neither telling you what is happening, or what i intend to to about it, only silly anologies to explain my feelings. If it was as simple as writing the problem on here, I would, but the problem is that I have too much respect to start naming names, and if I explained what was going on, it would be fairly obvious. Sometimes I just feel like I am "here" and that existing is all that the world wants from me, it doesn't matter that I dont get involved in social groups, or how i might be feeling about something, or several things. But if i was gone... I bet there would be trouble. You and me, that's what this is about, if your reading this and haven't stopped so far, you obviously have an interest, or care about my life. Maybe that is why writing on here helps so much, when there is nobody to talk to, i know that YOU will be there. Jealousy is a horrible thing, not only for the people on the recieving end, but the ones who are jealous themselves. I personally am Jealous of alot of people. Jealous about what they have, who they know, what they do, when they do it - but you wont see me going out to make their life hell, you wont even find me competing, I just sit back and watch as everyone else does what I want, need to do so much. I must seem very depressive, and almost attention seeking? I do not seek attention from many people, although, I do seek attention from one... am I the bad guy? Is it that i expect too much attention, or is it that they don't give me enough? I can't judge that fairly for myself, it would be biased, but then, everyone has an oppinion, so everyone would be biased. If you get to know me, you find that I am one of these people who lives a fairly normal life, is fairly lucky and usually, quite positive. In all of my life, I had never really realised the true value of happiness, I happen to have most of the possesions i desire, I am lucky to be in the college i wanted to go to, doing the subjects i wanted to do. I am lucky to have enough money to pay for what I need and still have a little aside for an occasional treat - but love, love is something that I feel, and have felt for a long time. Maybe now, i feel a threat to that love. I can tell you, whatever it is I am feeling, nothing else really helps. My sister would be a great person to talk to, she can be really supportive and kind when I need to talk, and somehow, I havent even mentioned how I am feeling. I'm not sure if I am denying the problem, hiding it from everyone, or just too scared to talk about it because I know what will be said. Suicide, self harm, self pitty... all that stuff, it's not my style. Why would I waste a perfectly good life, or harm myself over something that could be a trivial factor of my time in this world. To deny the temptation, would be a lie. Sometimes it just feels like walking infront of a bus would make everyone happy, but i know that it wouldnt, plus, think of the mess. Yeah, that's me, always making a joke out of something negative to try and make it positive, or at least take my mind off it. I have been writing for a while now, and if you have been reading from the top, you will have been reading for a while too. I'll give it a break now, I don't feel much better but I can't complain to you forever, there are probably things you need to do, people you need to see, money you need to earn - besides, i'm only another regular guy with a regular problem. Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid286 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid285 Today was my Anniversary to celebrate being with Charlotte for a year, we had a wonderful night out after college First we got out tickets to see "How to lose friends and alienate people" which was a really good film After the film, we went to China Blue for dinner, the food and service was great! Nothing went wrong for the whole evening. We then headed back to my house, had to get the bus as neither of us could drive, and there was nobody about at that time of night to give us a lift home, and forget about a taxi, i can't afford that! We got back home and fell asleep shortly after, it had been a long day with College, we were both very tired. When we woke up, we watched the films Deathnote 1 and 2 at home, we had a great time and ended up playing Jenga! I had great fun! I walked Charlotte to the bus stop to say goodbye later in the evening, missed her from the moment we parted Was a great anniversary and we had a wonderful time Fri, 10 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid285 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid284 My day went much better today, probably the best day I have had over the last few weeks. I had a wonderful lunchtime at the lake in the castle park with Charlotte and then had a nice quiet few hours together after college by the castle with Charlotte. I was feeling much happier about today, but unfortunately, bad luck and problems struck again later in the evening. I am looking forward to Charlotte's and my 1 year anniversary on Friday the 10th, hoping to have a nice day, hoping everything can be sorted out. Hoping... that is what I do. This is a public blog and I realise that it's neither the place to talk about personal problem, and not the content that you want to read, but somehow writing about things makes me feel better, so i'll give it a try. I feel very insecure at the moment, I feel a huge black cloud following me around and I think its because I am missing two very important parts of my relationship, respect and time. This is a strange topic, time obviously we all wish we had more of it, but somehow I feel that i'm losing the small amount of time that I have. Respect, this is a difficult one to explain, but the best example i can suggest is this: Imagine being commited to a job, a job that you enjoy doing and WANT to finish, while every time you try to do it, you get nothing but negative feedback, your employer telling you that it's not good enough, or even the opposite, that it's too good and is making everyone else look bad. I don't know, maybe that was a bad example, but it's how I am feeling at the moment. I wish there was some magic button I could press to make everything right, but even after hours of playing around with logic, i cannot structure the code to do it. (For those of you who are totally confused, what i mean is, it doesnt matter how much i think about it, i cant place what is wrong or why). If anyone has any ideas or advise, please do contact me, my details are available on the contact page of this website. Thanks for reading, somehow, every time you read this i feel better inside - yeah, i know, it doesn't make any difference to the problem. Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:00:00 +0000 http://www.techtoad.co.uk/news?month=2008-10#newsid284